Wednesday, September 30, 2009

C'mon, open your heart and...

Do you remember when – it was o.k. to just relax and enjoy the day?

I remember when the news was just that – news of the day. It was not necessary for three or four people to give their opinions on every issue. We just watched the news  in the evening and then made our own comments.

I remember when my children played all  around the neighborhood. They could play in and out of houses for a two block area and no one even considered that they might be in any danger whatsoever. How nice that was for us and for them. They played army for days and days. They pretended to make movies of everyone in the neighborhood. They wrote a newspaper and played cowboys and indians and cops and robbers and no  one found fault with their behavior. The girls played dressup and Mother May I. And House.

It was really fun to just sit outside and watch the sun set or maybe sit on the carport and watch the rain. Drink a slow cup of coffee and listen to the sounds of the neighborhood. A neighbor might drop by and join in with a cup of coffee, too. Or another time, after we had done our washing and ironing and cleaning and mopping and cooking for the day, we Mothers might visit with each other over a cup of coffee and a cookie. And maybe watch our kids playing in the sandbox or jumping rope or riding their bikes.

I remember when Dad went off to work and earned a good living. And Mom stayed home and cared for everyone and all their needs. It was a satisfying and full life for all concerned. Dad was not expected to care for the children – that was Mom’s job. Mom was not expected to earn the living – that was Dad’s job.

We used to read a magazine or a book in the evening. We used to just sit and talk the evening away. We enjoyed one another. We were a family. Sometimes, we had a card table set up with a jigsaw puzzle on it. Some one would sort the pieces, turning them right side up. We might stop for a minute and help put the border pieces on. Everyone in the family would help put the puzzle together. It might take a week or more, depending upon how much time we had. Or we might be busy playing cards together. That was when I learned how to play ‘Sol’. And Concentration. And Hearts. Lots of fun. Many a night spent together.

If it was a good night for television, we might watch the sitcoms together. But they were clean and pleasant and full of laughs for us all. That was before the sitcoms began to have a message for us all. You know, like Dad is stupid and Mom is dumb. Or Dad always wears a suit at home and never actually goes out to work. And Mom has on her high heels and perfectly coiffed hair. And she never has anything to do at all. But we all knew this was  just pretending anyway. So we could laugh at the jokes and enjoy the evening – together.  That was the point. We were together. We spent our time as a family. And we all enjoyed every minute of it.

That was a nice time. Such a nice time for everyone. I remember when.

Take a look at some of my books. You will enjoy them. They are full of some of those ‘remember when times’ together. Thanks.

Ithaca Likes...Abrupt Changes in Weather.

If you were outside today (or any of the last three days), you saw that the beautiful, utopian, paradisal Ithaca we once knew is

officially no longer. Funny, it seems like just last week the skies were clear and we were frolicking in the 80 degree heat.

Oh wait, that was last week. Huh.

This is not the first time you’ve pulled this shit, Ithaca.  The good weather never lasts for more than a week, before the floods start or the snow falls.  Even in September, Ithaca.  Even in MAY.  It’s like the beautiful skies up above lake Cayuga are hiding a spoiled six year old child.  I keep an umbrella and a wool cap in my backpack at all times for her temper tantrums.

Unfortunately, fellow citizens, when the bad weather comes, it tends to stick around.  Get under your comforters.  We’re officially in for the long haul.

LINKS!  The most trusted source for your incredible moody Ithaca, NY weather. Do not click if you are offended by unnecessary language.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Brownie anyone?

Wasn’t it just last week I was talking about my son and his long anticipated jump into Beavers? Now it’s my daughter, my oldest daughter. She’s been a Spark for the last two years. I guess it was bound to happen. But my daughter is getting older. And with getting older means transitions, moving on, moving up. My girl is now a Brownie, the step after a Spark and before a Girl Guide.

My son and younger daughter enjoyed staying up late and celebrating.

Seeing my daughter getting her Brownie pin reminded me of my Brownie days. Like my daughter, I loved being part of Girl Guides. I loved hanging out with my friends and camping and learning new things and earning badges (even though I burned a batch of rice krispie squares). Of course my daughter wasn’t as lucky as I was. We got to wear those lovely brown bag dresses as uniforms.

Myself (left) and sister (right) proudly displaying our Brownieness

Lolytte Designs

www.lolyttedesigns.com

Welcome to Lolytte Designs.

A newly founded design company, located in the heart of eastern sydney,
Lolytte Designs specialises in the production hand made and machined knitted wear
for men, woman, children and babies, as well as an extensive range of accessories, Crochet items
are also available within the online store.

Lolytte Designs is devoted in bringing it’s customers excellent service
and knitted products.
All items are either hand made or machine knitted in our private location
and are built to order with specifications so you can be
assured that the item you receive is truly unique.

www.lolyttedesigns.com

Monday, September 28, 2009

Tubal Ligation Reversal Here In The United States

For those who have been researching tubal ligation reversal surgery here in the United States you may have noticed that more and more tubal ligation reversal centers from overseas have been popping up. There are a few questions that come to mind when one sees this on an Internet search. Why would anyone from the United States travel so far for tubal ligation reversal when we have some of the best surgeons here in the U.S.? As a matter of fact we have the leading tubal ligation reversal specialist known all over the world right here in Chapel Hill, North Carolina. Is it the cost? Some say it is but after the travel expense it really does not work out that way.

 

The main reason this is written is as a word of caution. We have great physicians right here at home and tubal ligation reversal surgery is not only a very personal decision but also a very delicate procedure. Be careful and do your research. Chapel Hill Tubal Reversal Center nurses are more than happy to discuss questions you may have and of course the website has a blog and an excellent message board to interact with other tubal ligation reversal patients.

 

If these tubal ligation reversal centers from so far away are so good than why are they using clips of tubal ligation reversal surgery from surgeons here in the United States and saying they are theirs? If a company does this than what is guaranteeing patient safety, comfort and successful pregnancy rates? There have been multiple sites that Chapel Hill Tubal Reversal Centers have been popping up with Dr. Berger explaining tubal ligation reversal and it has been under tubal ligation reversal physicians nowhere close to North Carolina where Dr. Berger and Chapel Hill Tubal Ligation Reversal Center are located.

 

 

Dr. Berger has just published the results for the newest and largest tubal ligation reversal pregnancy study ever conducted. Also, check out the videos and be sure to order your free copy of Tubal Ligation Reversal by Dr. Berger.

Art Gallery Rocks

Did you know that you can gather with a serger too?  Yep!  It’s a handy dandy trick, especially since I don’t have a gathering foot for my sewing machine. You’ll need to up your differential feed and lengthen your stitch. (Test out on scrap fabric to get your settings just right! I’m sure it varies by machine and how tightly you’re trying to gather the fabric, but I think my differential feed was at 2.0 and my stitch was at 4.0) Perfect gathers and no pulling a stupid thread to try and get it even.

Sadly, my serger broke again in the middle of construction. (I assure you, it had nothing to do with gathering fabric.) The most devastating part of all of this was that I had to do a real hem on this skirt to finish it up.  (I LOVE rolled hems!)  So anyway, it’s back in the hospital getting it’s motor replaced- and I’m seriously considering a new serger. And this time I will not be going with Husqvarna Viking. This is the second time that the motor has given up….the last time was about 6 months ago. That track record makes me a little nervous. I feel a little sad because all my machines are Vikings. But they have failed me with this machine so it’s time to look elsewhere. I am looking at Bernina and Baby Lock right now. If you have a serger that you love (and the motor hasn’t gone out twice on you) then please let me know!

Back to the Art Gallery skirt! I made Haley a skirt with the Spellbound and Nature Elements fabrics and we’re both in love with it!  (By the way, the tonal solid prints in Nature Elements are great!  And you guys obviously love them too b/c they are selling well!)  She requested an ankle length skirt. I knew I wanted to use multiple fabrics and have it go together quickly. So the tiered peasant skirt seemed like a natural fit!

I didn’t have a pattern, I just used her waist measurement as the starting point.  Each tier is 1.5 times longer than the one above.  Next time I’m going to up that to 2 or maybe even 2.5 to give her a little more twirling power.  My girl loves to twirl!  I also cut out a few of the floral motifs to applique onto a shirt. She has worn it for 3 days straight – so I’m pretty sure it’s a hit.     

Patricia Bravo, the designer (and owner) of Art Gallery Fabrics, is from Argentina.  I realize this may not be important to you – but for me that makes her extra special since I studied in La Plata during college.  Anyway, she is really incredibly sweet and I can’t wait to see what she has worked up for Quilt Market this year!  

Be back tomorrow with the last You Made It winner(s).  I have not even started writing that post – so it’s not too late to add pictures to the Flickr group.  I think you ALL should win because everything you have made is SO great.  It breaks my heart that I can’t feature every single picture!

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Doodlebops: IXS

Be Ready for getting on the Bus with the Doodlebops, kids’ newest music sensation with tons of talent, loads of enthusiasm, and endless energy. If theres a preschooler in your life, you know the Doodlebops,,, Art, Entertain, Art, Entertain, the bubblegum Canadian rockers who star in their own show on Playhouse Disney. As the made-for-TV, Art, Entertain, siblings, played by the bizarrely costumed, brightly colored Lisa Lennox, Art, Entertain, (Deedee), Jonathan Wexler (Moe, who has an obsession with pulling on a, Art, Entertain,, Art, Entertain, suspended rope), and Chad McNamara (Rooney), embark on their first American tour (coming to the Garden on September 30 and October 1)It is a golden opportunity to join them as they perform their hit songs from their popular TV show on Playhouse Disney in their first ever live U.S. concert tour. Kids will be out of their seats, on their feet with joy as they, Art, Entertain, sing and dance along to their favorite songs from their favorite bandmates; Deedee, Rooney and Moe Doodle. This candy-colored trio is sure to deliver an interactive and unforgettable experience that will be a treat for the whole family.The World reknowned Disney (http://www.ixs.net/concert-tickets/Children-Family/Disney-Live/index.aspx ) Channel has been, Art, Entertain, hosting a wonderful show, called The Doodelbops, in their Playhouse Disney lineup each Monday through Friday. It has become very much popular in USA and Canada as the Doodlebops have achieved tremendous success in entertaining the, Art, Entertain, preschooler by providing a mix of singing and dancing, rhyming and jokes and even a daily lesson. The Doodlebops are full of color, using face paint and wigs, but they are definitely the hot group in the preschooler set right now! Much like the Wiggles, they have taken over many households temporarily. Having opportunity of entertained by the Doodelhops, It is the guarantee that their Theme song will be on your lips all day long. The Doodlebops is a musical comedy series for children starring Deedee, Rooney and Moe Doodle. They are the ultimate rock and roll band – at least as far as preschoolers are concerned – and they hang out and practice their song and dance routines in the coolest rehearsal space imaginable. Sort of a cross between PeeWee’s Playhouse and The Monkees, the show focuses on music, dance, comedy and pro-social educational issues such as sharing and perspective taking. When The Doodlebops aren’t rehearsing, they’re zooming off in their tour bus to perform for kids everywhere!In addition to the lovely colors, the Doodlebops make beautiful music. Each song has a simple lesson, and most are very memorable with catchy tunes. Your child will fall in love. As a parent, you may enjoy listening more than watching, because, Art, Entertain, of the wild dress code the Doodlebops have. Whatever you decide to do, seeing the show once is something every parent needs to experience with his or her child! Here are some of the lovely and wonderful songs of the Doodlebobs :-a) Song : I can Dance Sung by MoeMoe is hiding under a cmbal near his drum set. Rooney has a new invention. Moe is interested in knowing what it is, but they won’t tell him because it’s a surprise.Jazzmine enters and tells Moe to be himself and wait until the concert. He is unique and should stay that way.While Rooney and DeeDee go to get juice, Moe cheats and looks at Rooney’s invention – a drum machine. Then Moe worries that they are going to replace him.They go to the recording studio and Moe is still very worried. In the studio, Audio Murphy records their new video for ‘I Can Dance’.When the video is done, Bus Driver Bob picks them up. The bus became a stage for the Doodlebops before they took off for the concert, flying high under rocket power. Moe is still very worried.At the concert hall they finally unveil the surprise. Moe admits, Art, Entertain, he thought they were going to replace him. DeeDee and Rooney are quick to tell Moe that the Mighty Moe Machine was built to help him, so he can dance to his song without having to play the drums.The following joke was included in this song.Knock KnockWho’s There?LukeLuke who?Luke out!At the end, The Doddlebop completed their song with a Lesson that Everyone can use a little help once in a while to make them better. Today, Moe got help from the Mighty Moe Machine.b) Wobbly Whoopsy is the another lovely amusing song of the Doodlebop.Today is DeeDee’s birthday. Rooney and Moe pretend they forgot, but blindfold DeeDee and decorate the room. For her birthday DeeDee wrote a new song and dance,, Art, Entertain, called Wobbly Whoopsy. She wants Rooney and Moe to dance wearing tutus during the concert. They say no, because it is way to girly. Rooney bakes a birthday cake; Moe causes him to step on it. This is very frequent this episode,, Art, Entertain, as several cakes are ruined, and several gifts from Rooney are also ruined. Bus Driver Bob gives DeeDee a small version of the bus, called the Doodlebop Express, Art, Entertain, . At the concert hall,Mazz gives DeeDee a red necklace. Rooney and Moe still have nothing for DeeDee, not even a card. They decide to give DeeDee a special gift. They will wear the tutus and do her new song and dance. This Song also contained the following joke.Knock-KnockWho’s there?SnowSnow who?Snow body but me!Finally,the Song has a very inspiring lesson , The cost of a gift does not matter; just, Art, Entertain, give from your heart .3) The Song, Your Not Alone is also wonderful and praiseworthy.Today Mazz lets Moe know that he will have a solo in today’s concert. Moe is very worried about this, and doesn’t want to have a solo. He goes into a trance he is so scared, and Rooney and DeeDee actually put him under the rope and for the first time, they tell him to pull it. He does. Then he confesses he is afraid of messing up, Art, Entertain, during his solo. DeeDee and Rooney spend the afternoon convincing Moe he will do fine, and they will be there to support him. The following amusing joke can be found in the song.Knock-KnockWho’s there?TankTank who?You’re welcome!This song has the thoughtful and spiriting lesson that You can do anything when you have the support of friends and family. DeeDee Doodle : Lisa J. Lennox plays DeeDee Doodle, in pink and purple from head, Art, Entertain, to toe she has a very sweet, melodic, Art, Entertain, voice. DeeDee also plays the piano and likes to do magic tricks. She is a kind and helpful girl with a great imagination. She is also very good at writing songs.Lisa herself is 23 years old and has been performing since her childhood when she was just 3 years old. In the past, Lisa Lennox has performed at the Gemini Awards and she had a small part in, Art, Entertain, the introduction of the television series Road to Avonlea. Lisa is trained in music and dance and went to Etobicoke School of the Arts (ESA) instead of a traditional high school to further her love of the performing arts. When the Doodlebops were first being filmed to show in Canada, Lisa and the rest of the cast spent 7 months filming scenes for 26 television episodes. She says that being on the Doodlebops is a dream come true, and very exciting. She also says that Jonathan and Chad helped to make the long days more bearable adding that the three of them spent a lot of time laughing which resulted in their close friendship.Lisa has great flair of making people happy,, Art, Entertain, especially the children, and enjoys a lot on being part of the ‘ultimate rock and roll band’ for preschoolers. Moe Doodle :Jonathan Wexler plays Moe Doodle, in red, Art, Entertain, and orange he loves to, Art, Entertain, pull, Art, Entertain, the rope, play hide and seek and play the drums. He was a member of the Original Kids Theatre Company in London, Ontario,, Art, Entertain, where he was born, and was in many Grand Theatre Productions. He is mysterious.Rooney Doodle : Chad McNamara plays Rooney Doodle, who is blue, and he plays the guitar. Chad’s previous performing credits, Art, Entertain, include playing a Wrangler in Will Rogers Follies, shown for two weeks in and Ottowa Theater from November 23, to December, Art, Entertain, 3, 1995. He was also part of the cast for Mamma Mia when it toured Canada in 2003. He is a thoughtful and cool doodlebop who is totallly Funky and Spunky. He is very good at inventing, Art, Entertain, things, Art, Entertain, . Mazz Kim Roberts plays Mazz who plays the Manager for the Doodlebops.She is a known actress s, whose previous credits include guest appearances in Wonderfalls, Tracker, and Twice in a Lifetime and Soul Food. Bus Driver Bob :John Catucci plays the Bus Driver Bob. who I think personally steals the show. He is an actor, Art, Entertain, who has been performing professionally for 7 years now. While he was a member of Vanier College Productions at York University, John joined David Mesiano to form The Doo Wops, a musical comedy duo. The Doo Wops have won several awards for comedy and in both 2003 and 2004 they were the Canadian Comedy Award winners for the best sketch troupe. In addition to his comedy he has also worked with Jackie Chan on The Tuxedo, and ABC movie called Kiss My Act, and many Canadian television shows. Feld Entertainment, Inc. and Cookie Jar Entertainment Partner to Bring Kids’ Favorite Rockin’ Band, the Doodlebops on Premiere U.S. TourFELD ENTERTAINMENT, INC. and leading children’s company, COOKIE JAR ENTERTAINMENT, announced a partnership to bring the new rockin’ music sensation for kids, The Doodlebops, to 40 cities across the country for their first live U.S. tour.The Doodlebops have attracted a legion of pint-sized fans to their popular television show, Art, Entertain, on the Disney Channel, Art, Entertain, which introduces children to kid-themed music inspired by legendary artists such as The Beatles, The Black Eyed Peas, Aretha Franklin, and Beyonce.Today, The Doodlebops previewed their U.S. tour with a special performance in front of thousands of children at Madison Square Garden following the 136th Edition of the Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey(R) 10:30 a.m. matinee. The official U.S. tour will kick-off fall 2006 and continue through spring 2007. The exploding popularity of the band makes it a perfect live touring property. The Doodlebops live-action series focuses on three candy-colored, fun loving characters — band mates Deedee, Rooney, and Moe Doodle who happen to be in a world famous rock band! Through their energetic music, enviable dance moves, upbeat attitudes, and rockin’ storylines, The Doodlebops share positive messages with their young, Art, Entertain, viewing audience, and introduce them to a variety of musical and dance styles. Whether rehearsing their latest dance in their club house, touring the world in their groovy tour bus, or debuting a brand new song in concert, The Doodlebops, Art, Entertain, are always encouraging youngsters, Art, Entertain, to share,, Art, Entertain, cooperate, learn from each other, and to get up and dance!The Doodlebops is a top performer, Art, Entertain, for Disney Channel, Art, Entertain, in the U.S., and is also one of Kids’ Canadian Broadcasting Corporation’s (CBC) most popular programs. The talented trio is the most dynamic new children’s act on the scene, using its top-rated,, Art, Entertain, Toronto-produced TV show to entertain and educate preschoolers with a combination of original music inspired by artistic icons, dynamic dancing, humor and fun to convey positive pro-social messages about teamwork, overcoming fears, and trying new things.The group has a proven track record of success not only on television, but on live tour with their recent sell out of major venues for the spring 2006 Canadian ticketed tour. Chairman and CEO of Feld Entertainment, Kenneth Feld says, “This talented trio has, Art, Entertain, become the new popular band for young children and is creating sensational, Art, Entertain,, Art, Entertain, buzz; we look forward to partnering with Cookie Jar Entertainment to spread their magic to families and children across the United States.”According to Toper Taylor, President and Chief Operating Officer of Cookie Jar Entertainment, “We’re thrilled to be working with the world’s premier live entertainment company, Feld Entertainment, to take The Doodlebops on tour across the United States, and we expect a tremendous response from the show’s enthusiastic and loyal young fans, as well as their parents.” Feld Entertainment,, Art, Entertain, Inc. is the worldwide leader in producing and presenting live entertainment experiences that lift the human spirit and create indelible memories, with millions of people in attendance at its shows each year. Feld Entertainment’s productions have appeared in 50 countries and on six continents to date and, Art, Entertain, include Disney On Ice, Disney Live! and Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey(R). Cookie Jar Group develops and markets, Art, Entertain, quality products to children,their caregivers, parents and teachers. Cookie Jar Group’s products reflect ts commitment to providing the best in children’s published content, animated and live action programming and innovative educational and entertainment-driven products worldwide. The group of companies consists of Cookie Jar Entertainment Inc. and Cookie Jar Education Inc., as well as a 20% interest in Teletoon Canada Inc., Canada’s only all-animation broadcaster.Cookie Jar Entertainment Inc., Cookie Jar Group’s entertainment operation, is a leading, global, independent producer, marketing and brand manager of such renowned children’s properties as “Arthur,” “The Doodlebops,” “Caillou” and “Gerald McBoing Boing.” Combining globally-renowned intellectual properties, Art, Entertain, with an industry-recognized management team, Cookie Jar Entertainment Inc. is a market-driven, brand building company that is committed to children first and foremost and, Art, Entertain, is dedicated to the development and production of quality programming that embraces the whole child, with animated and live-action series that entertain, inspire and enlighten children and family audiences worldwide.Sing and dance along with kids’ favorite rockin’ band from the hit TV show on Playhouse Disney.For more information about doodle bops visit: http://www.ixs.net/concert-tickets/Other/Doodlebops/index.aspx

In These Times, Having Side Effects can run in families?

In These Times Side Effects can run in families




















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What’s the Point?


Recent Prescription Drug TV Ads

Have you noticed the ever-increasing number of prescription drug television ads recently? They are heavy on emotion, and light on facts. The side effects are trivialized.

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Here is a summary list of DTC (Direct-To-Consumer) prescription drug TV ads, along with their published adverse side effects. Your doctor does NOT know everything. Your doctor simply repeats what the pharmaceutical companies’ literature says. MOST doctors ARE PAID to push pharmaceutical drugs. Kiddie Prozac Docs Took Millions From Drug Makers


EVERY SINGLE DRUG LISTED ABOVE HAS SIDE EFFECTS THAT CAN BE FAR WORSE THAN THE CONDITION BEING TREATED!

Unacceptable
Side Effects

Many of these drugs have unacceptable side effects – half the commercial time is used to tell you what the problems are, so you can’t complain later. After all, they warned you, right? WRONG! You may need to seek a personal injury lawyer, if you have suffered a personal medical injury, resulting from a prescription drug, such as vioxx.

One of Karel’s favorite Books

In These Times

Causecast

The FDA, CDC, Drug
Companies Deliberately
Poison & Cause
Brain Damage
The FDA, CDC, US Govt.,
Drug Companies &
World Health Organization
as
well as
thousands upon thousands
of doctors and nurses and
many others are
deliberately
poisoning and harming
our children and the
worlds children, causing
brain damage,
mental retardation,
learning disabilities,
autism and much more!!!!
This is no a hoax or
alarmist ravings, this is sadly
all too real!

Hello everyone -

I apologize, I know
the following is very long
and might be hard to
read.
But this is information
you MUST take the time
to read if you care at
all about your
children and grandchildren
or as yet to be unborn children.
This a very
, very, serious issue
and may affect ten’s of
millions of children around
the world and many
more millions as yet
unborn children.
This must be stopped
and no longer allowed!

This is so terrible,
so vicious, and one of
the greatest abuses and
examples of greed
overshadowing
the welfare of people
and especially children
I have ever seen or heard
of. This is not really
news to me,
I have long been involved
in campaigns to expose
and deal with this
issue, but the magnitude
and extent
of this has me in shock
to discover what has long
been suspected is not
only true but far exceeds
anything
in scope that we could
have even imagined!
I have been in, shock,
tears and anger over
this all day, I can’t even
describe it.
Angrier over this than
virtually anything else
I have ever been angry
about, ever. But even
more than angry, my
heart is breaking
with the thought of just
how many lives, millions
upon millions of
lives and possibly millions
of more to come, that
have been
destroyed, ruined,
devastated and affected
by this incredibly
unbelievable conspiracy
and deliberate poisoning
of our
and the worlds children!
This must be stopped NOW!
So, I beg you with
all my heart to please
read this, for the sake of
your children
and the children of the world.

I have spent the better part
of today verifying and
confirming with my
own sources the validity
of this article
and material within this
article. I am saddened
beyond all description
to say it is all unfortunately
true, all too sadly true.
It also saddens me to have
to share this information,
but it is
essential that I do,
our children’s welfare
and future
depends on it,… if you
care at all about the
future of either your
own children, or the
future children in this
world, for
their futures and rights
to a productive and
healthy life, you will
take the time to read
this. My youngest child is
one of these poor victimized
children, I pray with all
my heart, that
your’s is not and never
will be, but it’s up to you.

Thank you.
RJ

Deadly Immunity
By Robert F. Kennedy Jr.
Salon.com

Thursday 16 June 2005
A Salon/Rolling Stone joint investigation.

When a study revealed
that mercury in childhood
vaccines may have
caused autism in thousands
of kids, the government
rushed to conceal
the data – and to prevent
parents from suing drug
companies for their
role in the epidemic.




In June 2000, a group of top government scientists and health
officials gathered for a meeting at the isolated Simpsonwood conference
center in Norcross, Ga. Convened by the Centers for Disease Control and
Prevention, the meeting was held at this Methodist retreat center,
nestled in wooded farmland next to the Chattahoochee River, to ensure
complete secrecy. The agency had issued no public announcement of the
session – only private invitations to 52 attendees. There were
high-level officials from the CDC and the Food and Drug Administration,
the top vaccine specialist from the World Health Organization in
Geneva, and representatives of every major vaccine manufacturer,
including GlaxoSmithKline, Merck, Wyeth and Aventis Pasteur. All of the
scientific data under discussion, CDC officials repeatedly reminded the
participants, was strictly “embargoed.” There would be no making
photocopies of documents, no taking papers with them when they left.

The federal officials and industry representatives had assembled to
discuss a disturbing new study that raised alarming questions about the
safety of a host of common childhood vaccines administered to infants
and young children. According to a CDC epidemiologist named Tom
Verstraeten, who had analyzed the agency’s massive database containing
the medical records of 100,000 children, a mercury-based preservative
in the vaccines – thimerosal – appeared to be responsible for a
dramatic increase in autism and a host of other neurological disorders
among children. “I was actually stunned by what I saw,” Verstraeten
told those assembled at Simpsonwood, citing the staggering number of
earlier studies that indicate a link between thimerosal and speech
delays, attention-deficit disorder, hyperactivity and autism. Since
1991, when the CDC and the FDA had recommended that three additional
vaccines laced with the preservative be given to extremely young
infants – in one case, within hours of birth – the estimated number of
cases of autism had increased fifteenfold, from one in every 2,500
children to one in 166 children.

Even for scientists and doctors accustomed to confronting issues of
life and death, the findings were frightening. “You can play with this
all you want,” Dr. Bill Weil, a consultant for the American Academy of
Pediatrics, told the group. The results “are statistically
significant.” Dr. Richard Johnston, an immunologist and pediatrician
from the University of Colorado whose grandson had been born early on
the morning of the meeting’s first day, was even more alarmed. “My gut
feeling?” he said. “Forgive this personal comment – I do not want my
grandson to get a thimerosal-containing vaccine until we know better
what is going on.”

But instead of taking immediate steps to alert the public and rid
the vaccine supply of thimerosal, the officials and executives at
Simpsonwood spent most of the next two days discussing how to cover up
the damaging data. According to transcripts obtained under the Freedom
of Information Act, many at the meeting were concerned about how the
damaging revelations about thimerosal would affect the vaccine
industry’s bottom line.

“We are in a bad position from the standpoint of defending any
lawsuits,” said Dr. Robert Brent, a pediatrician at the Alfred I.
duPont Hospital for Children in Delaware. “This will be a resource to
our very busy plaintiff attorneys in this country.” Dr. Bob Chen, head
of vaccine safety for the CDC, expressed relief that “given the
sensitivity of the information, we have been able to keep it out of the
hands of, let’s say, less responsible hands.” Dr. John Clements,
vaccines advisor at the World Health Organization, declared flatly that
the study “should not have been done at all” and warned that the
results “will be taken by others and will be used in ways beyond the
control of this group. The research results have to be handled.”

In fact, the government has proved to be far more adept at handling
the damage than at protecting children’s health. The CDC paid the
Institute of Medicine to conduct a new study to whitewash the risks of
thimerosal, ordering researchers to “rule out” the chemical’s link to
autism. It withheld Verstraeten’s findings, even though they had been
slated for immediate publication, and told other scientists that his
original data had been “lost” and could not be replicated. And to
thwart the Freedom of Information Act, it handed its giant database of
vaccine records over to a private company, declaring it off-limits to
researchers. By the time Verstraeten finally published his study in
2003, he had gone to work for GlaxoSmithKline and reworked his data to
bury the link between thimerosal and autism.

Vaccine manufacturers had already begun to phase thimerosal out of
injections given to American infants – but they continued to sell off
their mercury-based supplies of vaccines until last year. The CDC and
FDA gave them a hand, buying up the tainted vaccines for export to
developing countries and allowing drug companies to continue using the
preservative in some American vaccines – including several pediatric
flu shots as well as tetanus boosters routinely given to 11-year-olds.

The drug companies are also getting help from powerful lawmakers in
Washington. Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist, who has received
$873,000 in contributions from the pharmaceutical industry, has been
working to immunize vaccine makers from liability in 4,200 lawsuits
that have been filed by the parents of injured children. On five
separate occasions, Frist has tried to seal all of the government’s
vaccine-related documents – including the Simpsonwood transcripts – and
shield Eli Lilly, the developer of thimerosal, from subpoenas. In 2002,
the day after Frist quietly slipped a rider known as the “Eli Lilly
Protection Act” into a homeland security bill, the company contributed
$10,000 to his campaign and bought 5,000 copies of his book on
bioterrorism. Congress repealed the measure in 2003 – but earlier this
year, Frist slipped another provision into an anti-terrorism bill that
would deny compensation to children suffering from vaccine-related
brain disorders. “The lawsuits are of such magnitude that they could
put vaccine producers out of business and limit our capacity to deal
with a biological attack by terrorists,” says Andy Olsen, a legislative
assistant to Frist.

Even many conservatives are shocked by the government’s effort to
cover up the dangers of thimerosal. Rep. Dan Burton, a Republican from
Indiana, oversaw a three-year investigation of thimerosal after his
grandson was diagnosed with autism. “Thimerosal used as a preservative
in vaccines is directly related to the autism epidemic,” his House
Government Reform Committee concluded in its final report. “This
epidemic in all probability may have been prevented or curtailed had
the FDA not been asleep at the switch regarding a lack of safety data
regarding injected thimerosal, a known neurotoxin.” The FDA and other
public-health agencies failed to act, the committee added, out of
“institutional malfeasance for self protection” and “misplaced
protectionism of the pharmaceutical industry.”

The story of how government health agencies colluded with Big
Pharma to hide the risks of thimerosal from the public is a chilling
case study of institutional arrogance, power and greed. I was drawn
into the controversy only reluctantly. As an attorney and
environmentalist who has spent years working on issues of mercury
toxicity, I frequently met mothers of autistic children who were
absolutely convinced that their kids had been injured by vaccines.
Privately, I was skeptical. I doubted that autism could be blamed on a
single source, and I certainly understood the government’s need to
reassure parents that vaccinations are safe; the eradication of deadly
childhood diseases depends on it. I tended to agree with skeptics like
Rep. Henry Waxman, a Democrat from California, who criticized his
colleagues on the House Government Reform Committee for leaping to
conclusions about autism and vaccinations. “Why should we scare people
about immunization,” Waxman pointed out at one hearing, “until we know
the facts?”

It was only after reading the Simpsonwood transcripts, studying the
leading scientific research and talking with many of the nation’s
preeminent authorities on mercury that I became convinced that the link
between thimerosal and the epidemic of childhood neurological disorders
is real. Five of my own children are members of the Thimerosal
Generation – those born between 1989 and 2003 – who received heavy
doses of mercury from vaccines. “The elementary grades are overwhelmed
with children who have symptoms of neurological or immune-system
damage,” Patti White, a school nurse, told the House Government Reform
Committee in 1999. “Vaccines are supposed to be making us healthier;
however, in 25 years of nursing I have never seen so many damaged, sick
kids. Something very, very wrong is happening to our children.” More
than 500,000 kids currently suffer from autism, and pediatricians
diagnose more than 40,000 new cases every year. The disease was unknown
until 1943, when it was identified and diagnosed among 11 children born
in the months after thimerosal was first added to baby vaccines in
1931.

Some skeptics dispute that the rise in autism is caused by
thimerosal-tainted vaccinations. They argue that the increase is a
result of better diagnosis – a theory that seems questionable at best,
given that most of the new cases of autism are clustered within a
single generation of children. “If the epidemic is truly an artifact of
poor diagnosis,” scoffs Dr. Boyd Haley, one of the world’s authorities
on mercury toxicity, “then where are all the 20-year-old autistics?”
Other researchers point out that Americans are exposed to a greater
cumulative “load” of mercury than ever before, from contaminated fish
to dental fillings, and suggest that thimerosal in vaccines may be only
part of a much larger problem. It’s a concern that certainly deserves
far more attention than it has received – but it overlooks the fact
that the mercury concentrations in vaccines dwarf other sources of
exposure to our children.

What is most striking is the lengths to which many of the leading
detectives have gone to ignore – and cover up – the evidence against
thimerosal. From the very beginning, the scientific case against the
mercury additive has been overwhelming. The preservative, which is used
to stem fungi and bacterial growth in vaccines, contains ethylmercury,
a potent neurotoxin. Truckloads of studies have shown that mercury
tends to accumulate in the brains of primates and other animals after
they are injected with vaccines – and that the developing brains of
infants are particularly susceptible. In 1977, a Russian study found
that adults exposed to much lower concentrations of ethylmercury than
those given to American children still suffered brain damage years
later. Russia banned thimerosal from children’s vaccines 20 years ago,
and Denmark, Austria, Japan, Great Britain and all the Scandinavian
countries have since followed suit.

“You couldn’t even construct a study that shows thimerosal is
safe,” says Haley, who heads the chemistry department at the University
of Kentucky. “It’s just too darn toxic. If you inject thimerosal into
an animal, its brain will sicken. If you apply it to living tissue, the
cells die. If you put it in a petri dish, the culture dies. Knowing
these things, it would be shocking if one could inject it into an
infant without causing damage.”

Internal documents reveal that Eli Lilly, which first developed
thimerosal, knew from the start that its product could cause damage -
and even death – in both animals and humans. In 1930, the company
tested thimerosal by administering it to 22 patients with terminal
meningitis, all of whom died within weeks of being injected – a fact
Lilly didn’t bother to report in its study declaring thimerosal safe.
In 1935, researchers at another vaccine manufacturer, Pittman-Moore,
warned Lilly that its claims about thimerosal’s safety “did not check
with ours.” Half the dogs Pittman injected with thimerosal-based
vaccines became sick, leading researchers there to declare the
preservative “unsatisfactory as a serum intended for use on dogs.”

In the decades that followed, the evidence against thimerosal
continued to mount. During the Second World War, when the Department of
Defense used the preservative in vaccines on soldiers, it required
Lilly to label it “poison.” In 1967, a study in Applied Microbiology
found that thimerosal killed mice when added to injected vaccines. Four
years later, Lilly’s own studies discerned that thimerosal was “toxic
to tissue cells” in concentrations as low as one part per million – 100
times weaker than the concentration in a typical vaccine. Even so, the
company continued to promote thimerosal as “nontoxic” and also
incorporated it into topical disinfectants. In 1977, 10 babies at a
Toronto hospital died when an antiseptic preserved with thimerosal was
dabbed onto their umbilical cords.

In 1982, the FDA proposed a ban on over-the-counter products that
contained thimerosal, and in 1991 the agency considered banning it from
animal vaccines. But tragically, that same year, the CDC recommended
that infants be injected with a series of mercury-laced vaccines.
Newborns would be vaccinated for hepatitis B within 24 hours of birth,
and 2-month-old infants would be immunized for haemophilus influenzae B
and diphtheria-tetanus-pertussis.

The drug industry knew the additional vaccines posed a danger. The
same year that the CDC approved the new vaccines, Dr. Maurice Hilleman,
one of the fathers of Merck’s vaccine programs, warned the company that
6-month-olds who were administered the shots would suffer dangerous
exposure to mercury. He recommended that thimerosal be discontinued,
“especially when used on infants and children,” noting that the
industry knew of nontoxic alternatives. “The best way to go,” he added,
“is to switch to dispensing the actual vaccines without adding
preservatives.”

For Merck and other drug companies, however, the obstacle was
money. Thimerosal enables the pharmaceutical industry to package
vaccines in vials that contain multiple doses, which require additional
protection because they are more easily contaminated by multiple needle
entries. The larger vials cost half as much to produce as smaller,
single-dose vials, making it cheaper for international agencies to
distribute them to impoverished regions at risk of epidemics. Faced
with this “cost consideration,” Merck ignored Hilleman’s warnings, and
government officials continued to push more and more thimerosal-based
vaccines for children. Before 1989, American preschoolers received only
three vaccinations – for polio, diphtheria-tetanus-pertussis and
measles-mumps-rubella. A decade later, thanks to federal
recommendations, children were receiving a total of 22 immunizations by
the time they reached first grade.

As the number of vaccines increased, the rate of autism among
children exploded. During the 1990s, 40 million children were injected
with thimerosal-based vaccines, receiving unprecedented levels of
mercury during a period critical for brain development. Despite the
well-documented dangers of thimerosal, it appears that no one bothered
to add up the cumulative dose of mercury that children would receive
from the mandated vaccines. “What took the FDA so long to do the
calculations?” Peter Patriarca, director of viral products for the
agency, asked in an e-mail to the CDC in 1999. “Why didn’t CDC and the
advisory bodies do these calculations when they rapidly expanded the
childhood immunization schedule?”

But by that time, the damage was done. Infants who received all
their vaccines, plus boosters, by the age of 6 months were being
injected with levels of ethylmercury 187 times greater than the EPA’s
limit for daily exposure to methylmercury, a related neurotoxin.
Although the vaccine industry insists that ethylmercury poses little
danger because it breaks down rapidly and is removed by the body,
several studies – including one published in April by the National
Institutes of Health – suggest that ethylmercury is actually more toxic
to developing brains and stays in the brain longer than methylmercury.

Officials responsible for childhood immunizations insist that the
additional vaccines were necessary to protect infants from disease and
that thimerosal is still essential in developing nations, which, they
often claim, cannot afford the single-dose vials that don’t require a
preservative. Dr. Paul Offit, one of CDC’s top vaccine advisors, told
me, “I think if we really have an influenza pandemic – and certainly we
will in the next 20 years, because we always do – there’s no way on
God’s earth that we immunize 280 million people with single-dose vials.
There has to be multidose vials.”

But while public-health officials may have been well-intentioned,
many of those on the CDC advisory committee who backed the additional
vaccines had close ties to the industry. Dr. Sam Katz, the committee’s
chair, was a paid consultant for most of the major vaccine makers and
shares a patent on a measles vaccine with Merck, which also
manufactures the hepatitis B vaccine. Dr. Neal Halsey, another
committee member, worked as a researcher for the vaccine companies and
received honoraria from Abbott Labs for his research on the hepatitis B
vaccine.

Indeed, in the tight circle of scientists who work on vaccines,
such conflicts of interest are common. Rep. Burton says that the CDC
“routinely allows scientists with blatant conflicts of interest to
serve on intellectual advisory committees that make recommendations on
new vaccines,” even though they have “interests in the products and
companies for which they are supposed to be providing unbiased
oversight.” The House Government Reform Committee discovered that four
of the eight CDC advisors who approved guidelines for a rotavirus
vaccine laced with thimerosal “had financial ties to the pharmaceutical
companies that were developing different versions of the vaccine.”

Offit, who shares a patent on the vaccine, acknowledged to me that
he “would make money” if his vote to approve it eventually leads to a
marketable product. But he dismissed my suggestion that a scientist’s
direct financial stake in CDC approval might bias his judgment. “It
provides no conflict for me,” he insists. “I have simply been informed
by the process, not corrupted by it. When I sat around that table, my
sole intent was trying to make recommendations that best benefited the
children in this country. It’s offensive to say that physicians and
public-health people are in the pocket of industry and thus are making
decisions that they know are unsafe for children. It’s just not the way
it works.”

Other vaccine scientists and regulators gave me similar assurances.
Like Offit, they view themselves as enlightened guardians of children’s
health, proud of their “partnerships” with pharmaceutical companies,
immune to the seductions of personal profit, besieged by irrational
activists whose anti-vaccine campaigns are endangering children’s
health. They are often resentful of questioning. “Science,” says Offit,
“is best left to scientists.”

Still, some government officials were alarmed by the apparent
conflicts of interest. In his e-mail to CDC administrators in 1999,
Paul Patriarca of the FDA blasted federal regulators for failing to
adequately scrutinize the danger posed by the added baby vaccines. “I’m
not sure there will be an easy way out of the potential perception that
the FDA, CDC and immunization-policy bodies may have been asleep at the
switch re: thimerosal until now,” Patriarca wrote. The close ties
between regulatory officials and the pharmaceutical industry, he added,
“will also raise questions about various advisory bodies regarding
aggressive recommendations for use” of thimerosal in child vaccines.

If federal regulators and government scientists failed to grasp the
potential risks of thimerosal over the years, no one could claim
ignorance after the secret meeting at Simpsonwood. But rather than
conduct more studies to test the link to autism and other forms of
brain damage, the CDC placed politics over science. The agency turned
its database on childhood vaccines – which had been developed largely
at taxpayer expense – over to a private agency, America’s Health
Insurance Plans, ensuring that it could not be used for additional
research. It also instructed the Institute of Medicine, an advisory
organization that is part of the National Academy of Sciences, to
produce a study debunking the link between thimerosal and brain
disorders. The CDC “wants us to declare, well, that these things are
pretty safe,” Dr. Marie McCormick, who chaired the IOM’s Immunization
Safety Review Committee, told her fellow researchers when they first
met in January 2001. “We are not ever going to come down that [autism]
is a true side effect” of thimerosal exposure. According to transcripts
of the meeting, the committee’s chief staffer, Kathleen Stratton,
predicted that the IOM would conclude that the evidence was “inadequate
to accept or reject a causal relation” between thimerosal and autism.
That, she added, was the result “Walt wants” – a reference to Dr.
Walter Orenstein, director of the National Immunization Program for the
CDC.

For those who had devoted their lives to promoting vaccination, the
revelations about thimerosal threatened to undermine everything they
had worked for. “We’ve got a dragon by the tail here,” said Dr. Michael
Kaback, another committee member. “The more negative that [our]
presentation is, the less likely people are to use vaccination,
immunization – and we know what the results of that will be. We are
kind of caught in a trap. How we work our way out of the trap, I think
is the charge.”

Even in public, federal officials made it clear that their primary
goal in studying thimerosal was to dispel doubts about vaccines. “Four
current studies are taking place to rule out the proposed link between
autism and thimerosal,” Dr. Gordon Douglas, then-director of strategic
planning for vaccine research at the National Institutes of Health,
assured a Princeton University gathering in May 2001. “In order to undo
the harmful effects of research claiming to link the [measles] vaccine
to an elevated risk of autism, we need to conduct and publicize
additional studies to assure parents of safety.” Douglas formerly
served as president of vaccinations for Merck, where he ignored
warnings about thimerosal’s risks.

In May of last year, the Institute of Medicine issued its final
report. Its conclusion: There is no proven link between autism and
thimerosal in vaccines. Rather than reviewing the large body of
literature describing the toxicity of thimerosal, the report relied on
four disastrously flawed epidemiological studies examining European
countries, where children received much smaller doses of thimerosal
than American kids. It also cited a new version of the Verstraeten
study, published in the journal Pediatrics, that had been reworked to
reduce the link between thimerosal and autism. The new study included
children too young to have been diagnosed with autism and overlooked
others who showed signs of the disease. The IOM declared the case
closed and – in a startling position for a scientific body -
recommended that no further research be conducted.

The report may have satisfied the CDC, but it convinced no one.
Rep. David Weldon, a Republican physician from Florida who serves on
the House Government Reform Committee, attacked the Institute of
Medicine, saying it relied on a handful of studies that were “fatally
flawed” by “poor design” and failed to represent “all the available
scientific and medical research.” CDC officials are not interested in
an honest search for the truth, Weldon told me, because “an association
between vaccines and autism would force them to admit that their
policies irreparably damaged thousands of children. Who would want to
make that conclusion about themselves?”

Under pressure from Congress, parents and a few of its own panel
members, the Institute of Medicine reluctantly convened a second panel
to review the findings of the first. In February, the new panel,
composed of different scientists, criticized the earlier panel for its
lack of transparency and urged the CDC to make its vaccine database
available to the public.

So far, though, only two scientists have managed to gain access.
Dr. Mark Geier, president of the Genetics Center of America, and his
son, David, spent a year battling to obtain the medical records from
the CDC. Since August 2002, when members of Congress pressured the
agency to turn over the data, the Geiers have completed six studies
that demonstrate a powerful correlation between thimerosal and
neurological damage in children. One study, which compares the
cumulative dose of mercury received by children born between 1981 and
1985 with those born between 1990 and 1996, found a “very significant
relationship” between autism and vaccines. Another study of educational
performance found that kids who received higher doses of thimerosal in
vaccines were nearly three times as likely to be diagnosed with autism
and more than three times as likely to suffer from speech disorders and
mental retardation. Another soon-to-be-published study shows that
autism rates are in decline following the recent elimination of
thimerosal from most vaccines.

As the federal government worked to prevent scientists from
studying vaccines, others have stepped in to study the link to autism.
In April, reporter Dan Olmsted of UPI undertook one of the more
interesting studies himself. Searching for children who had not been
exposed to mercury in vaccines – the kind of population that scientists
typically use as a “control” in experiments – Olmsted scoured the Amish
of Lancaster County, Penn., who refuse to immunize their infants. Given
the national rate of autism, Olmsted calculated that there should be
130 autistics among the Amish. He found only four. One had been exposed
to high levels of mercury from a power plant. The other three -
including one child adopted from outside the Amish community – had
received their vaccines.

At the state level, many officials have also conducted in-depth
reviews of thimerosal. While the Institute of Medicine was busy
whitewashing the risks, the Iowa Legislature was carefully combing
through all of the available scientific and biological data. “After
three years of review, I became convinced there was sufficient credible
research to show a link between mercury and the increased incidences in
autism,” says state Sen. Ken Veenstra, a Republican who oversaw the
investigation. “The fact that Iowa’s 700 percent increase in autism
began in the 1990s, right after more and more vaccines were added to
the children’s vaccine schedules, is solid evidence alone.” Last year,
Iowa became the first state to ban mercury in vaccines, followed by
California. Similar bans are now under consideration in 32 other
states.

But instead of following suit, the FDA continues to allow
manufacturers to include thimerosal in scores of over-the-counter
medications as well as steroids and injected collagen. Even more
alarming, the government continues to ship vaccines preserved with
thimerosal to developing countries – some of which are now experiencing
a sudden explosion in autism rates. In China, where the disease was
virtually unknown prior to the introduction of thimerosal by U.S. drug
manufacturers in 1999, news reports indicate that there are now more
than 1.8 million autistics. Although reliable numbers are hard to come
by, autistic disorders also appear to be soaring in India, Argentina,
Nicaragua and other developing countries that are now using
thimerosal-laced vaccines. The World Health Organization continues to
insist thimerosal is safe, but it promises to keep the possibility that
it is linked to neurological disorders “under review.”

I devoted time to study this issue because I believe that this is a
moral crisis that must be addressed. If, as the evidence suggests, our
public-health authorities knowingly allowed the pharmaceutical industry
to poison an entire generation of American children, their actions
arguably constitute one of the biggest scandals in the annals of
American medicine. “The CDC is guilty of incompetence and gross
negligence,” says Mark Blaxill, vice president of Safe Minds, a
nonprofit organization concerned about the role of mercury in
medicines. “The damage caused by vaccine exposure is massive. It’s
bigger than asbestos, bigger than tobacco, bigger than anything you’ve
ever seen.” It’s hard to calculate the damage to our country – and to
the international efforts to eradicate epidemic diseases – if Third
World nations come to believe that America’s most heralded foreign-aid
initiative is poisoning their children. It’s not difficult to predict
how this scenario will be interpreted by America’s enemies abroad. The
scientists and researchers – many of them sincere, even idealistic -
who are participating in efforts to hide the science on thimerosal
claim that they are trying to advance the lofty goal of protecting
children in developing nations from disease pandemics. They are badly
misguided. Their failure to come clean on thimerosal will come back
horribly to haunt our country and the world’s poorest populations.

Robert F. Kennedy Jr. is senior attorney for the Natural Resources
Defense Council, chief prosecuting attorney for Riverkeeper and
president of Waterkeeper Alliance. He is the co-author of The
Riverkeepers.
_____________________________________________________________
(In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, this material is
distributed without profit to those who have expressed a prior interest
in receiving the included information for research and educational
purposes. Nvision Arts Media has no affiliation whatsoever with the
originator of this article nor is Nvision Arts Media endorsed or
sponsored by the originator.)

Editors note: If you are as alarmed, heart broken, angry and as
concerned about what you just read as I am, and as you should be,…
You know what to do.
SPEAK OUT! HELP STOP THIS NOW! DO NOT ALLOW EVEN ONE MORE CHILD OR
FAMILY TO SUFFER THE TRAGIC CONSEQUENCES OF THIS
REPREHENSIBLE POLICY OF DECEIT & GREED! Write & contact your elected
representatives and let them know your concern, your outrage, and
demand this be
investigated, stopped and those responsible be brought to account!
Millions of lives are depending on you, the lives of your children and
grandchildren and the world’s
children are depending on you. Act now! Please!

RJ Hughes – Owner & Publisher
Nvision Arts Media & Publishing Group.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Alert Graphic Content: Backdoor Entrance For Planned Parenthood To Our Local Schools

Obama’s Healthcare Plan leaves a trigger in place for Planned Parenthood to slide through and get funding for abortions through our mandated “future” healthcare system here in the United States.  With our suggested premiums for this insurance which, by the way, is far more than I am paying now, these abortions will be paid for by some of the very people who are Pro-Life.  Case in point, me.

Once Planned Parenthood gets into the schools through Obama’s Healthcare Plan, the “children” going to this organization won’t see what actually will be happening to their bodies if they choose to have an abortion.

…and it’s not a pretty sight.  They will tell these children that it doesn’t hurt.  It will be over with soon.  That the “fetus” doesn’t suffer.  Etc., etc., etc.  But those are lies.  Take a look at these pictures.  I don’t mean to make anyone who has had an abortion feel badly about themselves, however, I bet a lot of you already do.  Children do not need to be subjected to an organization that prefers that parents not know what their children are about to do or what they are being told.  Instead girls, who can’t even make up their mind on what to wear to school that day, are being given advise and allowed to make a major decision that will probably affect them the rest of their lives. 

 The statistics shown for suicides just month after an abortion in the teenage to young women age group is alarming; but you won’t hear about these studies because they do not shed a very favorable light toward a woman’s right to choice.  According to a study done by the National Institutes of Health suicides among women having abortions have tripled within the last 25 years.

“Some mental health experts attribute the increased rate of suicide among girls and young women to broken relationships and promiscuity. Elliot Institute director Dr. David Reardon said that evidence shows that abortion is also contributing to the increase in suicides. An Elliot Institute study published in Aug. 2003 in the Southern Medical Journal found that women who had abortions were seven times more likely to commit suicide than women who gave birth.” – Physiciansforlife.org

In light of the vast majority of the population, especially teenagers and younger adults who grew up in the computer age with mountains of information at their fingertips, these young women are privey to photos like these on my blog today.  Do these look like painless deaths to these “fetuses”?  I don’t think so.  These small “babies” are sucked out of the woman and their little body parts are torn off of them.

Doesn’t this look like a baby sleeping peacefully?  Well, it’s a picture of an aborted child who looks like he/she is trying to cling desparately onto the life that is being sucked out of it.

To those of you who have had abortions and don’t care, then these photos won’t mean a thing to you.  However, to those of you who have had abortions, and I have met many, and you are affected by these because you weren’t well informed prior, there is peace afterward.  And with the help of Jesus you can find forgiveness.

These small babies need the help of every person out there to come and save “their” right to liberty and the pursuit of happiness.  Obama’s healthcare plan need to be voted down.  Our children mental well being and their future children are worth fighting for.

til later,

from the mind of…

https://www.aclj.org/donate/Default.aspx?AC=DNE0909016&SC=3483&email=ginadye66048@yahoo.com&guid=5723FA15-B770-428F-BB75-00D730B29079

http://www.100abortionpictures.com/Aborted_Baby_Pictures_Abortion_Photos/Index.cfm?FirstPhoto=51

Help Me Howard

Dr. Amy Baker PhD

Sep 25 Is Your Ex Trying To Ruin Your Relationship With Your Child? 10:00AM | September 25, 2009 | comments: 27

How would you know if your ex-spouse is trying to ruin your relationship with your child.
“It’s called ‘parental alienation’,” according to Dr. Amy Baker, an expert in Developmental Psychology from Columbia University. “It’s when a parent manipulates the child to reject the other parent.

According to Dr. Baker, “There’s a lot of different ways to do it. Unfortunately the other parent doesn’t always know. They might say, “Oh my ex doesn’t have a picture of me in that house”, and “Oh my ex is using a different last name from my kid.” But they don’t see the pattern. They don’t see that the other parent has an agenda to turn your child against you.”
What are the reasons this happens?

Dr. Baker names some possible causes of this kind of behavior.

“Revenge, spite, jealousy, an inability to understand the child has a separate need.”
Parents should tell themselves, they may be thinking they hate that person but their kid still needs that person as a parent.

“Crummy spouses,” she added, “can make pretty good parents.”

Parents need to learn about parental alienation before it’s too late.

“I can’t tell you how many parents have said, “Oh my god, now I see what’s happened but I’ve lost my kid,”" said Dr. Baker.

She urges parents to document every known parental alienation strategy their ex is using.
Parents can go to court if they see a pattern; a pervasive pattern of the use of these strategies.
Dr. Baker also cautions parents to use recommended responses.

“It’s not always obvious what the right thing to do is,” said Dr. Baker, “if your ex is bad mouthing you, or if your ex doesn’t have a picture of you in the house; if they start using a different last name, it’s hard to know what to do.

“Your kid could be living right next door to you, right across the street, in the same town as you, and if that child’s been alienated, you’re not going to have a relationship, that kid might as well be in Japan.”

Be aware, document. Stay calm with your child.

It’s important for the child that you be a reassuring, calm presence while this is going on.
” It’s easy to lose your cool,” said Dr. Baker. “What happens is your child visits the other parent then comes back to you with all kinds of accusations, lies, “why did you steal my college money, why did you break up the marriage.”

“What happens is the parent that’s being attacked starts getting very defensive, very angry, starts fighting with the child. You have to figure out how to get the truth out without bad-mouthing the other parent and without fighting with the child.

“What children remember is not the words, they remember the feeling of the relationship so if your ex is telling the kids that you’re crazy you’re unsafe, you’re violent and you start screaming at your kid, saying, ” I am not crazy. I am not violent”, you’ve undone what you’re trying to accomplish.

Your child is now feeling, this parent is making me feel bad, attacking me.

“Show that you are safe, show that you are loving in your actions.

“You also need,” she continued, “to help your child develop critical thinking skills, so you can prevent your child from becoming manipulated. That’s what parental alienation is, emotional manipulation, changing your children’s thoughts.

Dr. Amy Baker is the author of Adult Children of Parental Alienation Syndrome.
She is nationally recognized as an expert in parent child relationships.

http://weblogs.wpix.com/news/helpmehoward/2009/09/is_your_ex_trying_to_ruin_your.html

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Educating Children, Parents, and Professionals

Help Me Howard Comment Posted by The Lee P.A.S. Foundation at September 25, 2009 11:17 PM
Howard,

We can’t thank you enough for inviting Dr. Amy Baker on your show. Her work is pivotal for parents and this has proven the result upon the children, is everlasting and emotionally damaging. This is a mourning process that never ends for not just parents but the children as well. It is very unnatural for a child who once had a loving relationship with both parents, to be forced to choose to love one and be angry and hate the other. This is not just a tit-for-tat spat between parents of divorce. It goes much deeper into a cycle of abuse that is learned behavior from past generations.

When I first met Dr. Baker, I had called her due to the fact that I too have been victim as well as my 4 children in an extreme case of alienation. I have joint custody and been denied access slowly over the years after the severe denigration against me. My children have been taught that humans are disposable. I am lucky enough that my youngest son has stayed strong and continued to not allow the anger to take hold and he has always spent time with me as all my children did from the beginning. He has been tormented not just by his dad for still being in my life but soon thereafter by the rest of his siblings. This has so far gone on for 8yrs. Recently, my older son (18) has moved in with me due to the fact that my ex threw him out of his home for talking to me and trying to mend our relationship. He has now been out casted by his father and sisters who refuse to talk with him at all. He has also had to deal with the guilt trips of his dad for being disloyal to him. Does that sound normal to you? The fact is that dad doesn’t have a babysitter for the younger siblings and can’t be the assisting parent to take the kids from point A to B. It is a typical Alienating factor to place guilt, and play the victim in need of help toward the children just to emotionally keep them and have control.

Through her guidance and education, I took it upon myself to learn as much as possible about this since the children are the true victims.

We now Moderate for the NJ Support Group for Parental Alienation in NJ and the tri-state area.

We have a Non-Profit Organization, which in now worldwide along with a weekly podcast radio show, for all targeted children, parents and extended families. I have presented in many places on the subject, including the Canadian Symposium last March. We have just recently started a new program of “Kids Helping Kids”, along with being involved in a research project with Dr. Douglas Darnall PhD, who is also an expert in the field.

We are also the NJ Representative for Lighting Candles Worldwide and Board of Director for Three sides To Every Story, another non-profit for Grandparents that have been denied access to see the children.

We have a Parenting Coach, and advocate that “Children need the love of both fit and loving parents” in order to lead a healthy life.

Too often we are receiving phone calls from children that are cutting themselves to stop the pain, have tried committing suicide in the past, suffering from depression, poor school grades and turning to alcohol and drugs.

In the same aspect, we are receiving devastating calls from parents looking for help, support and resources and are at wits end because they have not seen their children as court ordered.

It is unfortunate that there are so many families and children that are caught up in this sadistic epidemic that most Professionals refuse, pass you along, or try to help the children and families of Alienation since they do not specialize in this area, they can and have done more damage than good. The family court systems are not equipped to make correct and healthy decisions for these children because they are limited or blind to the fact that this is a true problem.

Is it healthy for a child to tell you to “Go slit your wrists and die, I don’t care if you breath anymore, I don’t need a Mommy/Daddy?”

Is it healthy for a child to state that “You hurt Daddy/Mommy because you took all the money and I hate you?”

Is it healthy for a child to say that “Mommy/Daddy says that we can’t see grandma and you anymore because you’re all evil since your rich?”

Is it healthy for a child to say “I don’t need you anymore, daddy will take care of us?”

This is a problem that needs more education for all levels of professionals. Starting in the schools with Dr. Amy Baker’s divorce program of “I Don’t Want To Choose” for middle school children. She is developing for Kindergarten and High school levels as well.

Educate the Forensic Specialists that have your children’s future in their hands to make the suggestions to the courts of “What is best for the children”.

Educate all Judges, Lawyers, GAL’s, Social Workers and don’t give as much power to the under educated Child Protective Services to take children away from a parent with unfounded accusations, or making life decisions that are actually exacerbating the Alienation of the child and parent relationship. This should only be allowed for Parental Alienation Experts to decide “for all court evaluations.”

Education is the key, for children, parents, lay persons, and professionals. We intend to help and stay dedicated to Education on the subject of Alienation through our Foundation.

Thank you Dr. Baker! Thank You Howard! We need more open eyes to save the children from this emotional harm.

Katrina C. Daniels Lee
Founder/Exec Director
The Lee PAS Foundation 908-303-4817
www.theleepasfoundation.org
www.talkshoe.com Talk cast ID 26868

Friday, September 25, 2009

Admirable Son

A is for the accomplishments in your future

D is for the dedication you have for your family

M is for man you soon will be

I is for the indomitable spirit you posses

R is remembrance of lessons learned

A is for the way your family adores you

B is for the boyhood you will soon leave behind

L is for the love for you

E is for the energy which you live life

S is for your internal strength

O is for the many obstacles you have concord and the ones to come

N is for the never ending love that is yours

Falling off the roost

A few days ago, we experienced our first dose of the reality of caring for small animals. It all started when one of our hens started exhibiting some strange behavior. The kids came in the house exclaiming “I think Risa’s dying!”. She had fallen off the roost in the coop and hadn’t landed well. She had been very still most of the day, was off to herself, had her eyes closed, etc.

There were no other apparent symptoms, so diagnosing the ailment wasn’t going to be easy. The symptoms this bird exhibited were common for just about every chicken illness. After some consideration and research, we thought that maybe she was “eggbound” – a condition when an egg gets stuck inside a hen and can cause death soon afterward is not passed. While some people do take some drastic measures in these cases – from probing around inside of their chickens to seeking veterinary care, we chose to do neither. Instead, we gave Risa (the hen) a nice warm bath – something we’d seen recommended for this condition. She was completely listless. At one point, we laid her on her side while we retrieved a towel and she just stayed there – totally unnatural for a chicken. We dried her off and set her in her own cozy straw-lined box for the night.

When we awoke in the morning, what we had expected had taken place – Risa passed away sometime in the night. In 24 hours we had gone from apparently healthy chicken to a sick and then deceased chicken! While we wonder why, and continue to examine our flock for signs of illness or distress, the reality is tat these things happen. Birds, like all living creatures will come to an end of their lives.

Rather than dissect this bird who had become a pet to our kids, we chose to just chalk it up to a sickness – likely Marek’s disease or something else that is common to chickens. We then cremated the carcass in order to quickly and humanely deal with it in a way that would not pose any health threats to ourselves or our flock.

Our children (4,9,12) all handled things pretty well. The younger two did not like the cremation idea but were more accepting of the outcome once they understood the humane reasons behind it – to protect the flock, and to avoid seeing Risa’s carcass dug up by some other animal. Yes, the cried – and at times even screamed. We don’t think this was so much because of a fondness for this hen, but because of the reality of death which no human enjoys being reminded of – particularly children. Ultimately, we found it a good opportunity to discuss issues of life and death and our kids came out of the ordeal with strength and new understanding.

We know this isn’t instructional per se – but in our journey to a simple life, sometimes the unexpected happens. Hopefully our sharing our experience will help someone else go through this process.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

It's time to respect Children's Rights; Everywhere!

UNICEF

The true measure of a nation’s standing is how well it attends to its children – their health and safety, their material security, their education and socialisation, and their sense of being loved, valued, and included in the families and societies into which they were born - UNICEF 

Is this the case in any country?

Personally I don’t think so. My experience first hand is in the UK and I believe that children get so little say in our society. They are still patronised and disrespected by adults who think they “know best” and by brands who should know better.

“Children” should be an inclusive noun not exclusive.
We should ask them more, listen more and respect their opinion. As with adults we needn’t agree but we should defend the right of children to have their say. Many people have been surprised by what they hear from young people and their creativity in thinking about the World around them. Children want to have a positive impact on society and if we respect this then the contribution we get back will be a manyfold increase on our input.

Many brands could learn from this, but so could mums, dads, carers and teachers and even more importantly those who presume, by dint of history, to be an influence on the young such as religious leaders and politicians.

Passing the Torch

As if you hadn’t figured it out by now, your ol’ pal Dave fancies himself a writer. Hell, I even got paid for doing it a few years ago when I haphazardly pieced together articles about artificial turf, granite countertops, and other topics of the most uninteresting nature.

My love for words came to me at an early age, and it was all because of the books you see on the left. Call me a nerd or whatever but as a kid, I spent any spare time I had with my face buried in the pages of either one of those books, absorbing and digesting all the information I could. So much time, in fact, that the letter tabs on either volume of those dictionaries became worn over the years—even the XYZ section.

From grade school through adulthood, those World Book Dictionaries were my source to the world of words, spelling, and pronunciation. If not for them I probably wouldn’t be such a Grammar Nazi, have my own blog, get jobs as a proofreader and writer, or even be remotely interested in written communication. Then again, I might have had a real job by now, too.

But I digress. Either way I’m glad I spent the time with those books, two volumes of wordy goodness that I simply could not do without.

And yesterday, I let them go.

As I explained their significance, I tearfully yet confidently passed them down to The Kid in the hopes that, even in this world of let’s-Google-it-and-see-what-it-means, their worn and sometimes dog-eared pages will stir his imagination and open his mind to the endless possibilities that await him in his budding academic journey.

Here’s hoping that he gets just as much use out of these dictionaries that I did, and that he wows his classmates with his etymological prowess.


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Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Bad Behavior and Personal Responsibility

I am always spouting off about personal responsibility. Obviously, you cannot have personal responsibility if you have never been taught to have this. Parents are responsible for teaching all their children about taking care of themselves and being fully responsible for all their own behavior. This makes for responsible teens who do not get in any real trouble. And it makes for responsible adults who have good lives and nice families.

As I walked into the lobby of the school today, there was a young boy, kindergarten age, wallowing on the floor. His mother and teacher were both watching him as he whined and shed real tears because he did not want to attend school today. The boy even crawled over to the corner and stood up against the wall with his back to the adults. The teacher was obviously pretty exasperated. But the mother was begging, and begging, and begging the young boy to go to class. He looked over at me and grinned that grin that all spoiled kids  do when they know you are aware of their spoiled behavior. In other words, he knew that I knew he was just showing off, putting on, and getting his own way with all the attention he could possibly want.

And poor mother was put in a position of begging her wayward 5 year old to stop acting like a 2 year old. Poor Mother should have pulled him up off the floor and insisted that he go on to class. She should have let him know in no uncertain terms that it is his responsibility to act like a 5 year old and to attend the kindergarten class where he belongs. And then she should have turned her back and walked out the door. And she should have done this when he showed off and acted spoiled when he was 2 years old and 3 years old and 4 years old, too. He finally won this morning and poor mother took his hand, led him out the door, and even carried his back pack for him. Mother is not doing her son any favors by coddling him and making over him and begging him to act his age.

In fact, she is doing him a great disservice by refusing to make her son behave. Is he going to grin that spoiled grin behind her back and get into trouble when he is 15? Or when he is 25? When is she going to finally recognize that it is her role to be the mother and act like the mother and insist that her son act like a son should.

How is her son going to know about personal responsibility if she does not teach him? Is she expecting the teacher to be the one to instill this behavior? Or the principal? It is her job as his parent and first teacher to make sure that when her son walks out the door if it be age 5 or 15 or 25, that he is responsible for his own behavior. If she had been doing a good job, her 5 year old son would not today be wallowing in the school floor, crying fake tears, and whining.

It is up to the parents to teach personal responsibility to their children. And it must be taught every day in every instance. Day after day, year after year for all their growing up years.

If you expect your children to be responsible adults, you must teach them now – at home – to be responsible children. Personal Responsibility is an absolute must. And Responsible Parents always teach this to their children.

Mayor of the Pond People

 

Written Monday, August 17, 2009

The residents of snob hill are lucky enough to have their very own mayor. Mayor Gordon is the snob of all snobs atop snob hill and even has a “right hand man” or vice mayor if you will. I suppose the vice mayor would take over for Mayor Gordon in an absence or in case of a sudden death? It’s unclear to us pond people as to how Mayor Gordon actually became the mayor of snob hill. Was this a self proclamation that everyone on snob hill just went along with? Was there an actual democratic election on snob hill and Mayor Gordon was the victor and was allowed to choose his vice mayor? Maybe he really isn’t the mayor at all and was just given this title as a nickname by us pond people? I suppose the world will never really know.

I could tell you most all the reasons that Mayor Gordon is called the mayor but this post would end up being too long so I will give just a few examples. Every three weeks, ALL members MUST move their RV from whatever site they are occupying and move it at least ten sites away. This is to ensure that every member gets a fair opportunity at all the sites available at the resort. Mayor Gordon, the vice mayor and a couple of other “select” snobs that are friends with Mayor Gordon seem to be immune from this rule. We pond people call that special treatment so the resort employees must acknowledge his mayor title. If we don’t move our RV’s, we hear about it and are requested to move. If a pond person asks why some people are immune from this rule, you always get a different bullshit answer different from the last every time.

Mayor Gordon has a lot of clout not only with snob hillers but also with the resort itself. If Mayor Gordon doesn’t like you, you will know it. Mayor Gordon will bitch about your every move to the resort employees until you either don’t want to camp there anymore or they ask you to leave and not return. If he doesn’t like your golf cart for whatever reason, you will inevitably be asked to take it off the resort property. I have seen it with my very own eyes. I could seriously go on another ten pages but will spare you the reading.

Last night some of us pond people gathered at Billy’s camper next door to me to sit around the campfire and chit chat. I was tired last night and went to bed early for a change. The next morning I woke up, made some coffee and headed back to Billy’s as I do every morning. Billy and Tommy were having some coffee and chit chatting when I arrived. When they saw me, they started grinning from ear to ear and Billy spoke up and said “morning mayor”. Tommy piped in and said “yeah, morning mayor”. “Mayor” I said. “What the hell are you guys talking about” I asked. “We took a little vote last night after you went to bed and because of your little stunt this weekend,we elected you mayor of the pond people” Billy informed me. “We liked the way you got us all together with the greatest of ease, you obviously have a lot of clout with us pond people and we need a mayor like they have on snob hill” Billy stated. “Who better to represent us than you” Billy asked. I started shaking my head and laughing out loud while taking a seat in my favorite camp chair. “You guys crack me up” I said. After I stopped laughing, I reluctantly accepted the position. Billy and Tommy let all of the pond people know that they now have an official mayor. Nobody seemed to mind me being mayor as far as I know anyway. I appointed Billy as my vice mayor in case I need to be absent or in the case of my (god forbid) sudden death.

I must admit, it feels pretty cool to have people wave and call me mayor when I’m walking my dogs or at the pool. I think Paula secretly likes to be called “Mrs. Mayor” as well. Word of the pond people having a mayor has already reached snob hill and Mayor Gordon has gone out of his way to chit chat with me. Who knows, maybe Mayor Gordon and I can take a nice long golf cart ride sometime and work out some of our issues?

The pond people have spoken!

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

OCTOBER SPECIAL

It’s time to start scheduling your time slots for the second annual Pumpkin Patch Pictures!

This year’s special includes up to 20 minutes of shoot time, one 8×10 and two 5×7 prints of your favorite image PLUS a CD with up to 25 images.  Each time slot is only $30 – regardless of how many kids/family members are being photographed!!  Special will take place at the Tallahassee Heights United Methodist Church pumpkin patch.

A portion of the proceeds from this year’s special will benefit the Florida United Methodist Children’s Home.  This organization provides a safe and loving environment for children who have been victims of sexual abuse, other physical abuse and abandonment or because of family breakdown due to divorce, drug abuse, illness or death of a parent. There may be neglect, or conflicts that have made impossible a normal family life. For more information about this organization, please visit www.fumch.org

Limited time slots are being offered on Wednesdays and Fridays throughout all of October as well as two Saturday dates – the 17th and the 24th. 

Take Your Version of Commitment and Shove It

I got this comment on my post about television from some woman named Kristin who appears to think she is part of the morality police.  She thinks my not being married causes my daughter more damage than allowing her to watch television.  Riiiight…I am so damaging my daughter because I have actively chosen not to partake in an institution based originally in the ownership of women (I was married once, but we did it because the government would give my partner financial aid if he was married and would not if he wasn’t.  Government likes marriage too)?  I am worse because I do not follow her version of morality?  All I can say is, it is nice for you Miss, that you can cut the world so neatly into black and white little boxes.  Bad people don’t get married.  Good people do.  Where does television fit into this exactly?  You’re probably one of those people who wanted to keep their children from watching television, but realized it was such a great babysitter, you found excuses to allow it and now you are jealous because I have managed to keep it out of my home when you weren’t able to.  Sour grapes to you, Sour Puss.

I have made the choice not to be married rather than allowing people like you to dictate my morality.  There are many reasons for this, chief among them the lack of necessity of having my relationship sanctioned by bigots like you.  In addition, I refer again to my refusal to take part in an institution that was created by men to improve the likelihood the children to whom they passed their worldly possessions at death were in fact their children.  Women were property and religions sanctioned it.  I am not interested.

I also gather from your nasty comment about the child in my belly that you think I am a big, bad person for having sex (GASP!) before having a religion or the government sanction my relationship.  Guess what, Chica?  This is my body.  It does not belong to the government or to any religious organization.  If I want to have sex without a marriage certificate, I will!  I am fully apprised of the risks and benefits in doing so and take action with full awareness of the consequences, including pregnancy.

So take your little version of morality and keep it to yourself.  I don’t need for you to read my blog.  If you don’t like what I have to say, go somewhere else.  No one asked you for your judgmental bullshit, least of all me.

Monday, September 21, 2009

and when i have free time....

hah!  free time?  what’s that?  this blog post is serendipitously related to cyndi’s today, but really came out of a txting conversation with a close friend of mine on friday afternoon who has no children and is single and is very concerned about me….

she txted me on friday, and asked me what i do for fun, for myself, that has nothing to do with work or my kids.  i had to think.  a lot.  because i don’t really do much right now outside of those two things, both of which i love (my kids best though of course).  partly because i am not a “fun”-seeking person.  and partly because i suffer from a severe time deficit, especially free time.  as does any mom, and i think even more so moms with careers outside the home (although not always true — my sister’s activities and volunteering schedule for her two kids make my life look like a cake-walk).  but it is a phase, transitory.  i figure some day i will have as much time as i want, and i will miss my kids.  a lot.

so i tried thinking back, over 15 years ago, to before i became a mom.  and bear in mind, that i am just now surfacing from the frantic physical and intensive demands of very young and elementary-school-aged children into the world of pre-teens and teens — which is scarier but less time-consuming

when i was young not yet a mom, i remember most vividly the years i spent in grad school.  eight of them.  i was married when i started and married when i finished, but to different men.  i am not a “fun”-type, understand, in the typical way.  i like the occasional party, although prefer a serious-toned dinner party with heated intelligent (geeky) conversations.  i don’t go to amusement parks.  i don’t do sports.   i am an — ugh — “intellectual”.  i read, i study, i work.  i love it.  it is fun — to me.

back then, for myself, i obviously was working and studying a lot.  i was becoming more and more serious as a bodybuilder, and spent three hours a day, six days a week at the gym.  i was a bit of a healthy food fanatic and a vegan, and baked all my own bread, made everything (including mayo) from scratch.  so i spent a lot of time cooking and baking, and then hunting down friends who could drop what they were doing and come over and share it.  i loved to backpack (until i got lyme disease).  i learned to rock-climb.  i loved the ocean, and spent as much time there as possible.  i traveled for fun.  i read, and read, and read, anything i could get my hands on.  i loved to go out and listen to live, pretty hard-core, punk and alternative rock.  i played with funky hair color.  i learned and loved to ride my motorcycle.  i spent a lot of time in therapy sorting out my first marriage and my childhood.  i walked for hours and hours around NYC.  i loved to go out to eat.  i loved tequila.

then…  i got pregnant.  and pregnancy curtailed MANY of the above-mentioned activities.  no tequila, no motorcycle, no funky hair colors, no night clubs, no rock-climbing.  i read and slept and studied and ate.

my daughter was born and i fell into the black hole known as first-time motherhood (almost equaled by the way by the other black hole known as the PhD qualifying exam).  i had completely disappeared.  time for a shower?  gone.  to eat? gone.  to sleep?  hah!  my friend who has no children cannot possibly understand this part.

the next six years were spent with babies.  my daughter, then a lost baby, and then my son.  immersed in baby and toddler time, with a husband who had become chronically pissed off and all of us living in a new state and town, i was happy to be mommy.  yes, i loved to walk and i loved to read.  and i loved to bake, and i loved to eat.  but most of all, i loved my babies.  and i tried to block out the rest.

the several years that have followed have been filled with insanity as well as great joy.  both my parents have suffered a number of illnesses, and my father passed away.  i returned to the work force, and have spent years juggling a career and a family with virtually no help from my husband, and no help from family, who all live far away.  i have served in public office as an elected official.  i have traveled for work and to visit family, and not for pleasure.

and i have spent most of the past four years since my father died in another black hole — that of grief and depression.  for the loss of my father, and for the growing awareness of the incomplete life i am living in my marriage.

about a year ago, my doctor asked me what i look forward to.  she stumped me.  i stammered out “spending time with my kids”.  she thought i needed to be able to say more than that.  but depression saps one’s soul, and takes away the pleasure of many things.  i am getting there.  but it is hard work.

i have more free time now.  my kids like to have me around, but they grow in independence, and time with them is precious and wonderful and shorter.  and i look back at that list of things that i used to love to do for myself, for “fun”.  and the funny thing is, i am coming out on the other side of FIFTEEN event-filled years, and i am a different person now, and i need to come up with a different list.  not to mention that i don’t have half the energy i used to, or the desire to take the same risks as when i did not have kids.

i realized that i actually DO take time for me.  i walk every morning for exercise, i still dye my almost totally silver hair 40-something funky colors (no more stop-sign red), i love to savor a big salad, i love to read.  i write on this blog, and in many other places.  i spend time talking and writing and txting my few close friends.  i enjoy keeping my house in order.  i actually love to do laundry.  i am spending lots of time in therapy trying to figure this all out, and find my joy again.

what would i LIKE to do for fun, for me?  i want to read more, for fun.  i want to learn to paint.  i want to have a bit more time to shop — i have a particular fixation with dressing “different”, and it takes time to find things that fit my style.  i want more time to sit in quiet reflection.  i want to do more volunteer work, and have applied to volunteer at a domestic violence shelter.  i still love to walk around a city, although Boston has nothing on NYC.

i would love to spend time with a man who is “totally into me”.  i am so sad about the fact that my husband does not seem to be able to fill that slot.  spending romantic and sensual time with a man would be something to do for me that just is not on my list right now….

i have no regrets about the lack of “me” time over the years.  in all honesty, i don’t understand this “me” time concept — it does not mesh with the person i am.  because, truly, spending the time with and taking care of my kids WAS something i did for me, not just for them.  the moments of joy and memories i hold are all mine and, especially the early ones, are precious gifts i share with my children who don’t remember those moments.  i know my friend without kids does not understand.  even my friends WITH kids don’t always understand.  my favorite thing to do when i have free time and want to do something for fun for myself is spend time with my kids.  we explore new places, we go out to eat, we go shopping, we laugh, we listen to music, we play video games, we talk and talk.  they are growing up, and soon, someday, spending time with them like i do right now won’t be one of the options on my daily list.

i need to start working on the list of things i do for me, i guess, because time keeps on going forward…