I can’t believe it’s already February 01. It’s been a while since my last post, quite a while. What exciting things have we to mention? Well the New Orleans Saints will be in the Super Bowl for the first time ever since their beginning. That’s very, very exciting. I fell down the stairs here at home and broke my leg. My eyes are looking really good. I can’t wait till you see the latest pictures, although my hair looks terrible, but hey, one of these days, my hair and face will look so good you won’t recognize me. What was that? Broken leg? Well, actually, foot, I broke my foot. I see the orthopedic tomorrow. I wish a camera was rolling to catch that fall because I bet it was hilarious. It hurt like crazy, I bet we’d laugh at the crying, after the fact of course, because I cried really loud, a lot, and for a long time, even at the emergency room. Thinking about now makes me chuckle. But really you guys, it hurt, it really, really hurt. When my three kids heard about it, they called me and said…..no, just kidding, they didn’t call. So when I called them, “hey did you hear I broke my foot?” nothing but, “yeah” well, okay then. I thought maybe some discussion, you know, “what happened? did it hurt? where’s it broken? how long til it’s healed? anything I can do?” no, not a word. My son, I called him and I said “hey did you hear about my foot?” “yeah, Ally (our hair stylist) told me” I thought, she told you and you didn’t think to call. My son though, he’s the only one who comes to me lately, without my asking, and hugs me, and I can’t even express in words how that feels. The thing is, if I say these things to my kids, that, no word from them makes me feel they don’t care, oh, well, then I’ve got a problem, what did my daughters call it, “borderline personality disorder.” No, they are not psychology majors, have no background in psychology. Could I review the DSM-IV and find disorders to label my children? How awful. What an awful thing to do. Both agree, but one daughter doesn’t mind being around me. The other one says no one can stand being around me. She can’t stand to be around me. Except when she needs money, of course. What did I do to her? Whatever it is, the fact lies in her heart only. It’s so depressing. I feel like she hates me. That is one horrible feeling. These are my children. All I want is for my children to be successful, I always tell them how much I admire them, they are so smart, beautiful and intelligent, Yet I would never want to be so cold. I have tried to be there for them, as someone they can talk to when they need, as someone to lift them, I’ve always been a source of someone to listen to when they need no matter the time of day. A source of financial need, when a hurricane destroyed their place I replaced furniture, found another apartment, put down the money……..yet I have a personality disorder. What is up with that. A cold, dull, stick, right in the middle of where it hurts…..
I do not claim to be the perfect mother, nor have I ever. But my my children have seen me volunteer at their schools, many, many, many times. I have gotten them into the best private schools (and it was not easy), I was not the career mom. Now that I am older, and they are older, I try more and more to be a good mom. I feel I should just give it up, forget. They do not care anyway, why try, right. One of them will wish my happy birthday, cook me mothers day breakfast. The others, not a word. One of the will borrow money, or ask for a ride to a store to buy the other parent a birthday gift. I’ll get a call for birthday from one. Nothing from another, not for birthday, mother’s day, Christmas. Really, the fact that they exist is enough, it really is. But a mother likes to feel love from her children, she loves to feel their love.
Back the the world outside of the heart. First pics of the foot, then the eyes. I have a picture of my foot which reveals only swelling and bruising. The break itself is “a chip break located in the calcaneus.”
Yeah, here’s the pics….
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