Somehow people seem to really get off telling you what to do, or disobeying you in anyway. With a huge sign that says Please Wait to Be Seated, they seem to think it’s OK to point to a booth and sit there, like they gave you the courtesy in waiting but really it’s their choice. Or those people who don’t even wait, and just sit themselves. Either or they always seem to choose the place which is most inconvenient to you.
Though it may not seem like such a big thing, as it is just a seat, there’s a thought out process that goes with sitting you down. As in we want you to sit there because it’s easier for us. And if it’s easier for us the more likely we are to do something for you and not cuss you out behind your back, but somewhat loud enough for you to hear.
You see Fortune Cookie is set up in four rows A, B, C, and D. A is least convenient for us, ‘specially if you have a kid, because A involves carpet, and it’s a pain in the butt to sweep out the carpet. I once had a table who waited for me to ask, “table or booth?” before they just pointed to A3, the darkest, and most forgettable table. I said coldly, “Yeah it’s fine if you sit there.” before throwing down their menus and silver wear, “Just don’t expect good service, I’ll forget about you.” Hey, I was just being honest, and I was on my last days there. Anyway she was a bitch, her snotty attitude suggested that she was daddy’s girl and expected me, and her boyfriend to spoil her.
B row is full of tables, and a little less forgettable, but can also be a hassle. That’s where our table for five is located, B5, funny cause it has five in it you’d think I’d remember where it was located more often. Well B5, because it’s round, and has five chairs around it, makes people who have four in their party want to sit there. Four somehow equals five to them. Or a party of seven will ask if they can sit there, and I simply will say “you won’t fit.” Now the fact that a party of four will sit there means that when an actual party of five comes in I’ll have to put some tables together, which has happen. They just look on, like saying ‘Oh I could move, but where’s the fun in that, it’s much funner to watch her suffer.’ Then they’ll make some snide comment about how inconvenient it is for me to do that, which gets them a sarcastic smile and a dry laugh from me.
Also located in the B’s is B1, generally for take-out. But I would have this one lady come in a few times, disregard the sign, and just sit there. It was sad that A: She was alone, and B: She sat in a place where it was obviously for take out. Next to the counter, people would walk in to take-out and she’d have to watch them, as they glance at the table looking for a place to sit, then noticing that she was eating. Though now that I think about it she may have chose that place because just maybe someone would mistake her for just sitting there and actually join her. Oh well, it was just weird.
On C5, the next row over, there is a table of six. Next to the door, and completely obvious that it is meant for six to eight people. There is only a certain time of year when people will actually willingly sit there. It is obviously our only table that supports that many people, but somehow it’s OK for them to ask me to put together another table. “Umm, could we perhaps get a table that not next to the door.” They’d ask and look at me expectantly. “We’ll put it together.” Some say. ‘Great you’ll put it together, but will you put it back? Will you clean your mess? Will you not be complete jackasses and make me do this shit?’ I’d scream at them in my head while I give a short “Fine” and start yanking chairs out to spin the diamond shaped tables into a rectangle. And they sit, giving me a smile and a thanks while the table they didn’t want stands right next to them, they are now a foot more away from the door, big whoop.
And finally somehow people seem to hate the D’s, and I have no idea why. It’s all booths, they’re easy to clean, you get better service, you get more air conditioning or heating, they’re just better. But somehow being in those booths aren’t good enough for them, maybe they don’t like idea that their food comes out so much closer to them, though they are hardly next to the kitchen. I can understand if they don’t want to sit in D1, I mean I do talk a lot of shit under my breath as I walk back there to get food, but I’m pretty sure they can’t hear me. But it baffles me even more at the fact that parents with small little children, who they know will make a mess, choose to sit everywhere else but D, it’s as if the want food to be ground into the carpet.
So a final note, and what to leave you on, listen, to where your waitress or waiter wants you to sit, there’s a well thought out process that you have no idea. And don’t get pissed off if you get someone like me who ends up telling you to ultimately fuck off, in my snide little “don’t expect good service” comments. I do it out of hate.
-Camile
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